Host Etiquette

This is the holiday season and everyone invites everyone. Fortunately or unfortunately I was also invited by one of my colleagues for dinner at their home. Well, it wasn't really a very pleasant experience. I thought may be I should ruminate on some of the host etiquette. Because from where I come we consider - "athidhi devo bava" (translates to guest is equivalent to God)!

1. Serve your guests cheerfully: A frowning and ungracious host seems to defeat the purpose, and certainly puts a damper on the guest's experience. Welcome them with a hearty smile - after all YOU invited them. Don't give a look that says "can't believe you showed up!"

2: Do not contradict or correct a guest unnecessarily. Sometimes being right may be a very lonely position. Avoid controversial topics as far as possible. Don't use this as an opportunity to bad-mouth others.

3: While guests should feel grateful for the efforts of their hosts, as hosts you shouldn't over-emphasize how much trouble you went to. "I know you like idlis and so started preparing since last night. I had to travel 20 miles to get the ingredients from the Indian grocery store. It was so crowded. And it was so expensive....". Well, you get it! If you made that extra effort, keep it to yourself. Speaking of it diminishes everyone's experience.

4: Don't push your guests to eat. If they are talking or playing some games or watching TV (see 5 below), don't shut the TV suddenly or snatch away (believe me, it happened to me!) the game and declare let's eat (and you can leave after that, good riddance!)!

5. Don't switch the TV or put a movie and get engrossed in it! Instead play some light music in a VERY low volume in the background. If you really want to watch a movie, play it after the dinner. That too if the guests are staying overnight. Another thing which most of the Indian hosts do is they immediately put either their son's birthday party video or their Las vegas trip video or their marriage video and keep explaining as to who is who. Or they dump a huge photo album (yes, Indian marriage albums are really huge!) and with that artificial smile the poor guests have to go thru all of them. In between, they need to show/pretend curiosity and ask questions (who is he/she? etc., etc.). Get over it guys, nobody is interested in seeing your marriage videos or your son's first potty!

6: Involve your children in welcoming and serving guests. Don't shout at your kids. Worst, don't treat them like circus animals - "Pappu, show uncle how you dance?". "Sweety, sing ishq kamina song for aunty!" Teaching your son to gyrate his pelvis or teaching your daughter to sing ishq kamina is bad enough. Now why do you want to parade them like the monkeys in the circus. Well, sometimes they don't obey!

7: Don't make your guests feel trapped. Oh God! how am going to get out of this, where is that light coming from! Ah! there's a tunnel there! If your guests are glancing at their watches or the wall clocks (or worst, eyeing the door), that means your mission has accomplished. They are bored to death! It's always better that your guests leave regretfully wishing the conversation (and may be the dinner/eating) could have continued than with the relief and gratitude of an escaping convict.

8. About the food: Be considerate about your guests. Make the food always moderately spicy (less salt/sugar - if need be the guests can add later as per their taste). You might like to chew raw chillies but don't expect the same taste buds for your guests too! Don't let them leave with one end burning and wake up with the other end burning! If accidentally you did make the food spicy, do warn your guests and say it is a bit hot, etc. Don't just turn a blind eye and keep gobbling your food!

9. If your guests have brought wine or cake or any other edible stuff, do share or serve them. Don't take them to the back yard, dig a hole and hide in your secret place so that you can dig it out and eat later once the guests have left! Worst still, don't comment that "oh, we usually don't buy this" or "our son doesn't like cake"!

10. More later....

Next time on Guest Etiquette