Conference Calls? Such a Waste of Time!

The Conference Call is Nothing But a Waste of Time! I feel so happy typing that.....

Sometimes I wish I could go back to my old surgery days and all I have to face is the glare of the operation room lights and a silent buzz of the ECG machine or the cylinder of gaseous anaesthetic or the occasional tinkering of the surgical instruments. I love being a research faculty but what really wears me down is a conference call.

It's not that I am unaware of the benefits of well organized conference calls. But then there are those calls where everyone seems to think that what they have to say is more important than the next guy and as a consequence, these calls often end up sounding like a game of oneupmanship. I actually thank God that He (or She) gave us one mouth and two ears! Imagine if we had two mouths! I usually use my ears more than my mouth.

I pity the secretary or the poor postdoc or grad student who has to note down all this harangue! And then there are those who come with their own agenda and keep going on and on - completely oblivious of others sufferings.

In my honest and humble opinion, I think conference calls are a colossal waste of time and money (imagine how much money goes down the drain during those hours of international calls). A one on one meeting I can understand, and even a small satellite group of 3 or 4 people would probably work, but when there’s 8 or 12 individuals spread around the country or even across the world, as is the case with us, it’s nothing less than utter chaos. In fact, we probably waste more time than we save. Usually, after these meetings, most of us return to our desks and spend the rest of the day sending emails back and forth as we try to make sense of the dialogue we’ve just had. Sometimes the two main guys talk further (after everyone gets off) to figure out what was the gist of the meeting! Oh, the wonders/perils of technology!

And the part which I dread most is towards the end when they are looking for an appropriate date/time to schedule the next conference call... Oh God! Not again! And there they go, spend another 15 minutes to figure out what's the best time... Conclusion: Nothing.. "we will let you know by email as to what time works best for us!!!"

Some interesting anecdotes later.....